....it becomes clearer that some decision will need to be made.
Not making a decision based on fears of what other people might think is not serving me well, on the contrary. Quoting a good man for a few moments now: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others" - Nelson Mandela - Inaugural speech, 1994.
While reading these words many thoughts trigger inside of me... examples of me seeing and vivid examples of where I could see this advice fitting into recent things I've experienced or have been involved in. All that other people see are the actions that you take and no one takes you serious if all your action is in your mouth, but it never amounts to any action. This is what I've been doing most my life...even one direct and potentially direct ex-girlfriend told me I just talk, but never do any of the many things I mention. The Buddha did the exact opposite and only spoke of the things which he was actually doing and as a result knew about.
Along with talent hopefully one day develops skill and with these wonderful things lies a sense of responsibility and ideally a little wisdom. We find ourselves living out of fear within the confinements or prison systems if you may. It's spoken about openly in certain circles. You are stronger in numbers and more motivated in a like minded community. Compared to if you had to be surrounded and talk to people with completely opposite mindsets who prefer to talk about simple things to occupy their times and provide shelter to them within these materialistic or groups they have created. These will include driving a luxury car, big luxurious house and expensive brand named clothing and weekend sports of course. During these sport watching periods people consume large amounts of alcohol because they are enjoying it so much? And smoke countless cigarettes while they are relaxing? It seems more like they are trying to escape so much from the realities and are afraid to switch off these distractions and sit and observe or think about their lives, the world and everything else. So they wear clothes of their favourite sports teams and dress their children in this before they even have a say in the matter, adopting them into this social system without their consent. Branding them a supporter of a certain team while the parents tell the Television how the players are supposed to play or make these comments between themselves. During the times when these 'comforts' are being enjoyed there are people lying outside in the rain on the streets who is hungry. Big steaks and even complete body parts of animals are being prepared while bottles of alcohol is being consumed.
There is no thought about anything else during these times. I'm not comfortable with this life style for a while now and want to rebel against it with all that's inside. I don't think I can find happiness in that existence and would consume alcohol only to numb my senses and keep me enslaved in this system, this prison system. While the CEO makes ridiculous amounts of money the slaves on ground level do all the hard work and are treated like numbers. People complain everyday when a Monday starts approaching, cause they are unhappy but numb themselves by chasing more money and finding temporary pleasure in the purchase of things. Rewarding themselves when buying anything with a "xx% off" sign, as if it wasn't a marketing technique to encourage the purchase. The art have become so advance that you can earn various degrees in it studying in books with titles like: Marketing, the art of selling people things they don't need. And even when studying in that line we still fall victim to the same traps cause everything was set up so well we almost don't have a choice anymore... Unless..unless we start to stand still and look around us a little. When we start observing we realize what is actually going on and it's pretty scary. So we tend to shut off and stay within our comfort zones as this thing called fear have taken control of our decisions & lives. We have to consume high amounts of alcohol and keep ourselves calms with things like cigarettes & caffeine to wake us up in the morning, which are both nothing else than legal drugs. Society is then meant to believe the other drugs are all bad because it's illegal according to law. In some countries these laws differ and the same goes for religion, but most people just accept it and go with the flow.
The same applied with the public schooling system and old fashioned ways of raising children. Free will are only now starting to be encouraged with things like home schooling is being brought back by some 'alternative families'. These 'alternative families' believe commonly in things like food in it's natural forms and that the 'schooling system' as we know it corrupts our childrens' minds and helps to prepare them for a life of enslavery. It's not an easy path to walk on, so the intelligent ones try to stick to other families who are doing the same thing to allow the children to make friends and share time with like minded people. These children might not be perfect, but no one is. The way they are raised will encourage many things though and possible have more benefits in the long run than negatives. Meeting someone recently who was raised with an more 'alternative' approach showed great insight and a unique way of thinking that only a small percentage of people have developed. It's like you're actually passing on what you've learned and life experience helps you in that as-well. Which is why I was encouraged by some to travel as many are. My father had these dreams as-well for his children, so they would gain some valuable experience. He didn't have similar opportunities in his life, but tried his best to provide for his family and their future - regardless of the fact that he passed away as a result of a heart attack in his bed.
Being aware of more and more things also makes everything slightly more complicated, as they say..ignorance is indeed bliss. Once that innocence is taken away or the knowledge / wisdom is gained through experience you see things a little differently every time. And it is through these experiences and being uncomfortable that we grow into someone a little wiser than before. Unfortunately walking this road comes with a price. Often times you experience feelings of fear first and foremost then things like confusion, overwhelm, depression, hate, anxiety, etc. Some pleasure can be bought and sought it status items which enlarges the ego and in return clouds the mind and keeps us in the loop.
I find myself never really wanting to celebrate birthdays as a result of feeling guilty for not living to my full potential, not even feeling like I'm trying. I broke away from work for a while and some people view it as a bold move in letting go of the comfort zones and many applaud it, but it feels like such a small feat compared to what can & should be done. Compared to people who made an impact in the world, Lincoln, Marley, Lee, Mandela & King. There are many examples of people who truly did things and some died very young, while still accomplishing more than most in 3 times the years they had. We look at saints in history like Jesus, Buddha, Ghandi, etc and respect and 'follow' them, but few of us actually live those principles out to it's full extent. Our jobs demand us to do other things and the social ladder requires the same. We sacrifice human kindness for money and greed, our ego runs away with us like a train with no brakes. It takes us for a ride and when it loses a little steam and slows down we are old and grey and wasted our lives away.
The realities and societies demands start to apply more pressure as every minute goes past, taking me closer to 30. That daunting mark for someone in their 20's which tells them they are getting old. I start thinking along the cliched 'bucket list' and actually Google a few and read comments of people being so desperate to do something that they actually follow these lists number for number as they were written. At least they are getting some things done which they never would, but I'd love to write down a few things which lies close to my heart.
1.) Do a multi-day horse trek... in the planning
2.) Fly. The goal was initially start kite surfing to upgrade to Paragliding and one day skydiving, but none of them happened. So for now I'll book a Paragliding tandem jump so long.
3.) Walk. Short term dream is the Camino de Santiago. a Winter walk might be the only option I have, but strongly considering it to avoid bailing out due to pressures of work calls me again.
4.) Swim nude at a nude beach, while there's other people around. Done.
5.) Breath. Living in the moment is something I experience in brief moments only and after attending a 10 day silent mediation course this year I started looking at this with new eager. I will continue a meditation technique as part of my crossing over into 30's as a lifestyle change.
6.) Embrace my sensitivity. After a life of negative feelings towards my apparent sensitive nature my path lead me to doors which showed me it's a blessing rather than a curse along with my undiagnosed ADHD self diagnoses. And many really successful people walked on roads which led to great successes with the same 'conditions' and backgrounds.
A thought comes to mind of a blond girl with a hoola hoop dancing past me at a recent festival I attended and a friends comment of the girl liking me and doing a special dance for me. I didn't take that serious and rarely notice a similar situation or social que if a girl maybe points something like that out to me. And it made me thought of how life can really be. It can be a hoola hoop girl dancing past you with her dread locks and various beads and 'alternative clothing' which are becoming more appealing to me than the general materialistic kind who seem to chase the next special at the next weekend mall outing where most of their budgets are spent on clothes, make up and things they don't really need. Or like the dread locked girl at Africa Burn whom I met the evening before briefly. The next day while we were busy packing up I notice she was actually camping next to me and she makes eye contact.... walking into a more neutral area away from her campsite crossing my direction I decide in the moment to walk after her.... and it's like a symphony or a stage play taking place and i'm one of the actors in it. In that moment the rest of the world blurred out a little. It became about her and our moment together. This is how a meeting with a firedancer or hoola girl could be.. just playing around with your favourite toy. Expressing yourself with your art form like a dance. Doing something you love you come across someone with a like minded passion and you two can dance the night away trying to catch another persons eye, hopefully. And make a new friend or maybe catch a boy or a girl. The dance can be like the mating rituals of wild animals or like a beautiful bird trying to get the attention of their potential mate, you strut your stuff with your flames in the night or your colorful clothes and illuminated hoola hoop. Expressing yourselve completely.
For now I will concentrate on getting a hour or two in on a horse before the 4 day horse trek, which will involve 6+ hours on horseback over some potentially narrow mountain paths with steep drops next to it. And the possibility of just doing it and going to a permaculture festival, which has become a strong point of interest but unlike me just to go somewhere in SA so far away for a weekend...the path which led me to it seems like one where I notice the dots connecting and how it all led to this invite of a friend to come check it out. It seems once you start to be more open to live & change the path takes you were you need to go sometime, but you must be open to take the needed steps.
Step one, buy a bus ticket to Bloemfontein, on route to Lesotho.
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